Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Least survivable Star Wars figurines

Io9 has a list of 16 most useless Star War figurines ever produced.
The list is rather funny, but I decided to look at this list in a different context.  Within the hurly burly dangerous world of Star Wars, which of these action-fellows is the least survivable in a SHTF type situation.

I narrowed it down to two:

Willow Rood

This character epitomizes how insane Star Wars fans — and thus Star Wars toys — can get. Willrow Rood is a character in The Empire Strikes Back, if you can count a guy who runs across the frame after Lando Calrissian tells everyone to evacuate Cloud City to be a character. Admittedly, he did become a bit of a fan-favorite because during his triumphant scene, he's carrying what is obviously a 1979 ice cream maker, not even slightly disguised, lest it fall into the hands of the Empire. Again, what is fun for the fans would be devastatingly sad to an actual kid.
The list is full of possible failures, but the guy who grabs the ice cream maker in the bug out situation seems doomed from the start.

Or next choice is a more subtle choice:

Star Tours Officer
Another powerful example of how insane Star Wars toy collectors are — they bought figures of the cast of Star Tours, the ride from the Disney Parks. In fact, they released a complete set of the cast, including Chewbacca, alien Ree-Yees, Kaink the Ewok, Teek the macaque-looking alien, and this guy, the Star Tours Officer who manages "the tour." He looks like an insane Chinese bootleg of an actual Imperial officer figure. But at least we know why the Emperor was forbidden the rest of his officers from wearing red.
I could be wrong, but a Star Wars action figure whose sole purpose is to give exhibit tours in Florida is going to survive about ten seconds in the Star Wars world.  His one ability will be that he will always note the appropriate exit points, and the locations of the bathrooms, of any buildings he enters.


PioneerPreppy said...

That's hilarious.

russell1200 said...

Pioneer: the initial posting (as to the obscurity of the characters) was hilarious. It was the ice cream maker that made me think of survival when in panic mode.